I'm beginning to realize that maybe you aren't nearly as invested in us as I thought you were... no hoped and prayed you were. I've fooled myself into believe your actions have a deeper meaning than they probably really do, because even those are contradictory. I've put so much weight in the things you've done because it's so unusual for someone to be able to do the things but not say the words. Usually the words come easy and the actions reflect the true feelings. So here are a few things I have begun to notice that are telling me you are just keeping me around to have someone, but that you don't actually want me in your life:
1. Someone who truly wants me to be part of their life, and loves me, wouldn't turn down an opportunity to spend time with me... specially when I am offering to do all the work...drive 2 hours, get the hotel, drive 2 hours the next day to work exhausted. They would want to spend as much time as possible with me because they miss me when we aren't together.
2. You don't share your highs and lows with me. When I have a bad day, I want to talk to you. When something good happens, I immediately want to share it with you. You got a promotion and it was mentioned in passing weeks later. I'm not the person you want to share those things with. If you loved me, I would be.
3. Anytime I ask you something moderately personal you either get defensive or ignore the question. Then, when I make a statement like "you probably wouldn't be interested in this, but..." you get angry because I don't know that you would in fact be interested in that. How would I know what you would be interested in if you don't share those things with me? It's not about letting me in and being vulnerable. I'm not talking about your deepest, darkest secrets. I'm talking about general stuff. Your interest in art and classical music for example.
4. On the flip side of that, you never ask me about my interests or passions or goals. Anything you may know, you know because I openly shared it with you in the hopes of sparking conversation and finding something we had in common to enjoy. Someone who loves me and wants to be with me would want to know everything about me.
5. Yes, you go through the motions and send the "Good morning" and "Good night" texts, but any type of engagement I try to have around those is generally met with one word or short replies. I ask questions that get ignored. I send pictures that get no reaction. It's like you're doi9ng the bare minimum to keep me on the line for when you get lonely.
6. You never want to talk on the phone. EVER. I don't even have your phone number. We only get to see each other once every couple of weeks... and I would sell my soul to hear your voice during the times we are apart because I miss you that much... but you have less than no interest. And I know you talk on the phone because you talk to your family. I'm not valued enough to rate a phone call every now and then.
7. And lastly, I've never met your family. You've met a lot of mine and I would love to introduce you to more... but your family doesn't know anything about me. And it doesn't seem like they ever will.
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