Ramblings...

 I wish just once we could have a serious, in person conversation - start to finish. No interruptions. Just have it and move on from it. You are literally the only person I have ever met that I can be 100% myself with. I'm not afraid to tell you what I think or how I feel because I know you are mature enough to process it, talk about it and we can move forward. I just wish we could do that in person instead of text. I know you say I get weird after every time we are together, but honestly, this is why. We have little snippets of important conversation and I never get to finish a thought. Therefore it spills out here afterward. 

So, addressing the most recent snippets... My need to define what we are has been drastically reduced as of late. I think a lot of this is because you have stopped acting like some big time ladies man, player. You've actually admitted to being the opposite. In the beginning, I think you pretended to be like this because it kept me at arms length. You recent admissions have eased my anxiety about us. My need to define what we are... and your resistance to it... stem from the same thing honestly - fear of losing each other and getting hurt. 

It's the same as you not "loving" me. Whether you put a name to how you feel about me or not doesn't change the fact that you do in fact have feelings for me. Now, what your definition of love is versus mine is an interesting topic we can discuss in depth later if you want, but I would define some of what you have expressed and shown me as love. Your inability or unwillingness to let those feeling out of the box so to speak has absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with your own fears and past heartbreaks. You have to decide whether to let go of that fear so you can heal and grow and have a better, more fulfilling life, or cling to it and stay where you are. Nothing I say or do is going to influence your choice. All I can do is wait and be patient and hope you choose growth and healing No amount of work or money is going to change where you are emotionally. 

As I said yesterday, you still have a lot to teach me. You are a lesson I hope I never stop learning. I think, after this much time, you should realize I'm not just using you to get over someone else. You know damn well there's something special here or you wouldn't keep coming back. Neither would I. And you need to stop worrying about hurting me. That ship sailed a long time ago. Whether it's 6 days from now, 6 months or 6 years, losing you is going to hurt me. But I would rather have whatever time we get together than regret giving up on someone who is so amazing for the rest of my life just because it's a little difficult. 

I'm content to go with the flow and see where this takes us... as long as you refrain from acting like the tough guy playboy you tried to make me think you were in the beginning. I know that's not who you really are, but it plays on my insecurities and triggers my anxiety.