Lady and the Tramp Dinner

 Since it sets you off and sends you into an Avoidant spiral when I unleash my Anxious verbal diarrhea on you after every visit, I decided I needed to find an outlet for my thoughts and emotions. I can't keep them in, so they have to go somewhere. Eventually, I will put some of my older thoughts here, but for now, this will have to do...

 I'll do the bad first. I'm glad it was dark when you asked me to be on top so you couldn't see the tears in my eyes when I pulled away. I very badly want to be what you want and need, but I'm just not there yet. Even in the dark, I feel to exposed that way and I just can't do it yet. I hope I will be able to one day, when I feel better about myself. The last thing I want to do is disappoint you, and I feel like I did that then. I'm terrified my hang ups will cause you to leave so I keep trying to push myself to do things I'm maybe not ready for. I hope you can understand that and have patience with me. 

 Now for the good... I know you were exhausted and just wanted to stay in the room, but you went out to eat with me anyway. You knew how much I really wanted to try that restaurant so you went. You have no idea how much that meant to me. That alfredo sauce was awful. I have since found out that some people put Nutmeg in their alfredo sauce so that is probably what it was. Ugh. You didn't hesitate to offer to share your spaghetti and meatballs with me... it was just so natural for you.  You knew I didn't like the spicy stuff you put on it so you showed me a spot that would be safe to eat from.. and I fell a little more in love with you. Then you made your Lady and The Tramp comment and I melted. I am pretty sure I never told you about my love for that movie, or the sentimental connection I have with it because of my grandparents so you would have had no idea how that comment would effect me. 

 So, my dad's parents were total opposites. She was a very polished, upper class, educated lady from up north while he was a hard working southern farming boy who decided to join the Navy. They met at Fleet Week and fell in love. Her family was appalled. She was prim and proper while he was rough and tumble, but they were perfect for each other and deeply in love. They married, had three kids and spent the rest of their lives together. I have always called them my Lady and The Tramp, so when you said that, my heart melted.